Hello there, my long lost loves. I'm finally back and we have so much to talk about.
This week, I've decided to do some of you fellas out there a kindness and give my advice on proper and improper ways to approach a lady.
I've stated before, I'd make a horrible feminist, so following along with that theme, it should be no surprise I don't have a problem receiving attention from men.
Generally, I welcome it and deem it as innocent fun. However, once in a while, I get some real doozies barking up my tree. Some of the tactics the male species use baffle me. I often wonder if there are women who are actually buying this stuff.
Don't get me wrong, I understand women are difficult to read and deal with. I am one and, personally, I can't comprehend some of the decisions I've made when it comes to suitors. Perhaps that's why some men have such a hard time.
One day, we're all gung-ho and onboard with everything you're putting out there, the next, we don't know what we want. No doubt, we should come with a manual.
It's been said, "Nice guys finish last," but, ultimately, I don't think that's true. I think nice gets you far in life. We need more nice people. There is, however, a fine line between nice and passive. You can be nice and still be a confident male.
Nice is also negated by constant self-pity and projection of guilt. Remember, guilt is a useless emotion whether we're putting it on ourselves or others. Please do not use guilt to get anywhere in life. It's a terrible thing used too often as a weapon in relationships.
I'm obviously no expert, but I am blatantly honest. What some women may be afraid to tell you, I'll gladly share if it helps to understand how we work. Whether you are approaching a female in person, on a dating site or via Facebook, keep the following in mind:
Confidence
There is no greater power a man can possess than confidence. It's very primal; men are meant to be the protectors. As a female, all hope is shattered if a man lacks confidence. We all doubt ourselves from time to time, but a healthy confidence is an attribute which weighs in heavier than any other quality a man can possess.
Confidence isn't just effective in the hunt, it's also healthy for the soul. Remember, unless you are truly happy with yourself, you won't truly be happy with someone else. Confidence will be a byproduct of that happiness. Obviously, there is also that fine line between being confident and being a tool bag, too.
True confidence will exude with a positive energy. False confidence usually comes by the bucket instead of the glass and, for most of us, is easy to recognize as phony. Those who constantly need to remind the world how great they are likely are doubting that very thing deep down. It comes down to this: Don't be afraid to tell a gal what you're good at, but don't toot your own horn so hard you blow a blood vessel.
Funny
This may be completely subjective, but, when all else fails, funny works. Personally, there is nothing I find more endearing than someone who can make me laugh. Gentlemen who I would have never given a shot have single-handedly won my heart with laughter. People who laugh together stand a far better chance than those who do not.
You aren't very funny? I don't know what to tell you. Funny is subjective, that's for sure, but happiness can usually be measured in smiles, so find anything in your bag of tricks that puts a smile on a girl's face and stick with it.
Polite
I don't care what reports you have heard, chivalry is not dead. It may be scarce, but it's alive and kicking. Gentlemen, please do not forget your manners. Likely, those who respect their mothers, respect females in general.
Therefore, don't forget to treat a lady like a lady. Don't get me wrong, I know there are females who fall so far away from the definition of a lady it's incomprehensible, but there are still real ladies who wear bras, do their hair and get dressed out of their pajamas at least six days a week who appreciate courtesy.
Those who don't bother likely do as well, but I get so disheartened with what has become acceptable for public female appearance, I take no issue with excluding them when I refer to "ladies."
Anyway, opening doors, saying please and thank you and carrying heavy things for a lady goes a long way. Some women may be above having a man do certain things for them, but there are those of us who truly appreciate an old-fashioned approach to courting.
Ah, but you love "bad boys," Jenna. How possibly could you like men with manners?
It's the Johnny Castle effect: Girls want a bad boy who will be good only for them.
For me, it's all part of feeling protected. I want someone who should not be messed with who, at the same time, isn't too worried about his image to be sweet to me and treat me right.
Bad boys are not incapable of having manners. That's an unfair generalization.
Surrender
Finally, girls may be hard to read, but deep down you know when she's not interested. There is no need to get rude and irrational or switch into complete desperado mode.
The thrill of the chase is fun and so is a little hard-to-get, but when she breaks out into an all-out sprint and pushes a pile of cardboard boxes in your path, take the hint and stop running.
(Wasakoski, an assistant editor at The News-Item, can be reached at jenna_w@newsitem.com)